Honestly, though I wanted to try it, I never thought I'd enjoy being a master as much as I do. While I knew that I loved topping, I honestly thought that I'd never really be any good at, let alone happy in a 24/7 relationship. Now I can't imagine life without it. I have a wonderful slave, who makes it incredibly fulfilling
But, now I re-read the question, it actually asks about what I thought before I got into kink. Hmm. I never thought I'd enjoy some of the harder pain play I enjoy now, the caning, strapping, tawsing. The humiliation play as well, particularly the name calling. They're all things I've had to get over some issues with from pre-kink guilt, but that I now love.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Is there anything that you enjoy, that you would have never thought you would like prior to starting your journey into kink?
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Hello Wyl Sir. How do you know how far to push a submissive's limits? Are there any limits you do not push? Thankyou
This is a tricky one. Knowing a subs limits is difficult at first, it really comes from knowing them for a long time, starting slow and building up trust and intensity over time. The first thing should be to ask them, very early on, what they think their limits are. Get them to write you a list, broken down into things they know they like, things they know they don't like, things they're willing to try, and things they never want to do. This'll give you a good starting point.
After the first few scenes, and once the relationship has built up and some mutual trust been established, have them re-evaluate their list, see where things have changed and if they're now willing to do/try more things. You'll usually find that as the sub gets more comfortable with you and gets to know you better, they'll start to be more comfortable with whatever activites you have an urge for.
In scene, never be afraid to ask your sub where they are. I find the traffic lights system to be really useful (green= I'm fine, and happy to go harder. Yellow= I'm fine, but please no harder/faster/more intense yet. Red= I need to stop right now), because it lets the sub give a good idea of their present state without giving them a feeling of being unduly in control.
As long as the sub was comfortable with it, and I had the necessary skills, there aren't really limits I wouldn't push. It does pay to be careful, though- while rose, for example, has very few limits now, she had several when we started, and I was always careful not to push them until she was absolutely ready. There are several I wouldn't rush to pushing with a new sub, and there are some areas of play that don't interest me which I'd be unlikely to explore.
The final component is to remember it's ok for doms to set limits of their own. If you don't feel completely comfortable with an activity and completely confident with your skills, then you shouldn't do it, and don't let yourself feel pressured into feeling you have to do it.
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