Continuing continuances...

I felt it was about time for me to write something. I know I haven't in a while.

Things were very tough for R and I over the summer months. But for the last month or two, things have really come good. It serves as a lesson to me on several things, that I'd like to jot down in case they interest you.

1. That I have an amazing slave and partner in my rose. Without her patience, her trust, her love and her loyalty, we'd never have gotten to this point.

2. Dominance, like submission, is something that requires you to work at it. Sometimes there seems to be a perception that Doms just kind of...are. While subs have to work constantly to remain in the right mindset and feel in their place, a lot of the time this process for Dominants is glossed over, dismissed or just ignored. It's not the case. One of the most important things in getting back to where we wanted to be was for me to find myself as a Master again. But now, with daily work at it (good, I think, for both of us) and getting in touch with that part of myself every day I find it much easier to get into and stay in my dominant place.

3. Relationships take work. I'm guilty of falling into the same trap a lot of people, kinky or vanilla, fall into: of assuming that things will just work out on their own. Communication, effort, understanding, desire to improve things that aren't working, compassion and empathy with your partner- slave or otherwise- are all critical things.

4. That being said, one of the things that's been most important for me to learn is that I *AM* a good partner, and I *AM* a good Master. That one failing isn't the end of world, and that blaming myself and dwelling on the past is not the same as taking responsibility in a positive way for my mistakes. Being a good Master and being a good lover and partner are not mutually exclusive things, and I am capable of being both.

5. Patience is just about the most imporant virtue for anyone to possess; in my case I particularly need to develop patience with myself.

6. Keeping things fresh is important. I think the daily tasks (and a focus on doing more direct and less abstract D/s activities in general) have really helped with this, for me at least. Every day I get another opportunity to try new things and they may not always work- but it stretches my imagination and pet's boundaries, and that's a good thing.

7. Abstraction doesn't really work. This is related to what I mentioned above. One of the main problems we've experienced has stemmed from the fact that before they structure of our life was very different when we were together compared to when we were apart. Previously, rose was directed to do a lot of tasks that were very abstract- meditiations, mantras, etc- that were almost never a part of our time together, and while they were enjoyable, didn't really fit with the style of D/s that has evolved between us in the realy world. Now we're focusing on things that are more like our own style; more playful, less formal than most, and are thus more directly pleasing and satisfying to both of us.

In particular, expanding my resolution to "Do at least one thing every day that helps rose engage with her submission and me with my dominance" into daily tasking activities has really been good for me (and I think for her as well). It's helped us both to cope with things outside the relationship that have been hard, as well as improving our relationship to each other.

8. Rose really is wonderful as both a partner and as my slave. Did I say that already? Oh well.