Endings and beginnings

It's probably not a secret that things between rose and I haven't been at their best the last couple of months. They hit their lowest ebb a week or so ago, when rose came to the conclusion that the M/s part of our relationship was over, and that the dynamic between us could not be re-built. This lead to what for both of us was probably the worst week of our lives.

I'm pleased to be able to say that we're back. It wasn't easy. It took a lot of talking. A lot of listening. A lot of thinking. A lot of honesty, and openness, and none of these things are easy when things are hard in a relationship, even with a person you love and trust. It wasn't easy, but we're back both as a couple and as Master and slave.

I don't intend to go into detail about what happened, as that's something I feel should stay between us. I just want to look for a little while at the lessons I've learned, and what I plan to do to be a better partner and Master to my rose in the future.

1. Taking things for granted will always cause problems. Happiness and contentment in submission can at times be fragile, and should always be cherished and maintained. Thinking that they are always going to be there without care and nurturing, and putting a relationship (kinky or vanilla) is just asking for trouble. Something I thought I knew, but obviously didn't understand the importance of it.

2. Communication is the key. It needs to flow both ways. A relationship can't function happily if no one expresses the truth of what they're thinking and feeling, no matter if it causes pain in the short term. This whole painful two months could have been avoided if we'd been fully open and honest about our feelings with each other. So I'm committing myself to share these things with my rose, even if it hurts in the short term, it's better for the relationship.

3. Blame is fruitless. The biggest thing that stood in the way of fixing a lot of the problems we've had recently is my tendancy to automatically blame myself for any issues or failures that arise, to the detriment of actually working on a solution. This habit demolished my confidence and sense of self-worth to the point where I could be neither a good partner nor a good master to rose, and is something I really need to work on if I am to develop both as a kinkster and a person.

4. Insecurity is the enemy. Rose trusts me, loves me, is loyal and devoted to me. I need to trust her more and not worry so much that every little problem that emerges is the end of the world.

5. Probably the best thing to come out of this is that I do now feel that I deserve rose as a slave, that in some sense I've 'earned' her. One of the things that's nagged at me from time to time, and it's related to what I wrote above, is that I don't really deserve her. That I'm not a proper Master, just a top pretending, and that one day she'll see through me, see all the pain I've caused her, and no longer wish to stay with me. I no longer feel that way. I feel after what we've been through together, and how I was ultimately able to respond, I've proved to myself that I am the Master she needs, and can make her happy and contented as a person and a slave.

Things are changing in our relationship. The fabric of our M/s dynamic is changing, because it needs to. Changing to better reflect her needs and my desires. To better fit our lives. Change can be scary, but these changes are necessary, and they seem to be working well so far. It hasn't been easy getting to this point, but we're stronger for it and I know that we're both re-committed to this relationship, as lovers, as partners, and as Master and slave.

I'd just like to say a quick thank you to all the people who have shown us such support and love over a time that's been difficult for both of us, to friends both kinky and vanilla, in public or in private, thank you.

But most of all, I'd like to thank you, pet. For your patience. For your courage. For your willingness to keep going when you had every right and opportunity to walk away. For the love and affection, for the devotion and respect, for the honesty and passion you bring into my life, every single day. My pet. My slave. My love. My rose. Thank you.