(the last post I'll import from soulcast- promise!)
I haven't posted anything for a while, so I thought I'd give you all another insight into what I like to think of as my theoretical side. I think it's important to have a theory behind what you do- an intellectual and psychological framework that helps me understand what I do as a dom and in understanding it, become better at it. So, my usual practice after each scene is to review it in my mind, looking at what I did right, what went wrong, what could be improved, any ideas that could be taken further, any new ideas that have arisen, stuff like that. (Not just egoistically focused, I also think about my sub :P)
Anyway, something that's evolved through this is a criteria, or a set of standards that I like to hold myself to as a Dom. I'd like to share that with you all, and see what you think.
1. Technical skills- did I do everything safely and effectively? Was my flogging accurate and controlled? Was my bondage safe and efficient? Was I at all times listening for a safeword and watching my playmate's response? Did I leave any marks that I didn't intend to? Did I stretch my skills? Did they improve?
2. Communication- Were my instructions clear and comprehensible? Was I constantly letting my sub feel safe by knowing she's under the power of someone she trusts and will look after her? Was I payng attention to the details of her responses and tracking her condition in my mind?
3. Fun- was it an enjoyable session for my sub? Did I enjoy it? Was it satisfying mentally? Sexually? Aesthetically? Emotionally? Do I feel happier? Do I feel closer to my sub, more connected? Does she share those feelings? Does she feel happy in the aftermath? What about when the afterglow fades?
4. Desire- this is the hardest one, because it involves balancing two contradictory maxims: "always leave the audience wanting more" and "never leave a lover unsatisfied". Have I given her a desire for more, while leaving her for the moment completely satisfied and still?
If I can answer yes to all of those questions (and I mean ALL) it's a good session. There will never be a perfect session, and generally I'm happy if I can get through without feeling that there are more than two or three questions which I have to say no for. So yeah. These are the standards I hold myself to. I hope this has been enlightening.
I found you through Rose's blog and yes, your post was very enlightening. You obviously give a lot of thought to your sessions and you're obviously making a lot of progress in training Rose in just six months since you collared her.
ReplyDeleteHope you will continue to share. Have you had subs in the past?
FD
This post is actually a lot older- this was written when we'd been together about six months, we're coming up to 18, now, but it's gone very quickly! Thank you for your kind words, FD, it's always nice to know what I've said has been of some use.
ReplyDeleteIn answer to your question, Rose is the first real-world, full time submissive I've ever had, as well as the first slave I've ever had. In the past I've had submissives online, and real-world play partners, and also spent about a year as a bottom to a very experienced top, learning the trade as it were.